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How do I tell my mother-in-law
I don’t want her opinion?
Funny how once you announce you’re pregnant, your mother-
in-law suddenly becomes an expert on all things pregnancy.
From what you should name the baby, to where you should live,
to the appropriate amount of weight you should be gaining, many
mother-in-laws can feel like it’s their place to share their thoughts.
Whether it’s your own mother or your partner’s, there might be
certain expectations on their end about their involvement in your
new family. Unsolicited advice can be maddening. Talk to your
partner about this and make sure you are on the same page,
as nothing can cause an argument faster than disagreeing
about the in-laws. Dealing with extra opinions and “help” from
the grandparents-to-be is going to become your new normal, so
it’s best to build a solid strategy with your other half before the
baby arrives.
First try telling her politely that you and your partner (her son) are
figuring things out for yourselves as you go along, and if you need
her opinion, you will certainly ask. If honesty doesn’t work, then try
meeting her next critique with silence. Rather than nodding your
head and pretending you’re listening to her, just look straight at
her and say nothing. Silence can be golden. If this still doesn’t
shut her up then it might be time to sit down for a talk. This would
be a good time to set the tone for how it’s going to go down once
the baby arrives too. Your mother-in-law might be feeling insecure
about her new role and may just need some guidelines put forth
by you and your partner. Come up with a game plan about how
you envision her involvement during the rest of your pregnancy,
including your labour and delivery, and share this with her in a
firm but non-confrontational manner.
Give your mother-in-law a job to make her feel needed and
important. Listening to her opinion on the safety of one car seat
versus another is a lot more palatable than having to hear her go
on and on about your decision to breastfeed or not.
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